It's easy, when
observing other people’s successes, to think that it came easily, or that
you’re the unlucky one missing out. But rooted at the heart of almost every
successful endeavour - whether it’s a project, work or a relationship - is some
form of failure.
The catch-22 of
course, is that no one willingly wants to fail, and the prospect of it can be
incredibly stressful. In fact, for a lot of us, we lose a sense of perspective
and believe it to be the worst thing that could happen, when in actual fact,
it’s a critical part of our development.
In fact, a lot
of famous people attribute their later, stratospheric success to earlier
failures. Oprah was fired from her first TV anchor job, Sir James Dyson failed
thousands of times before making his world famous vacuum cleaner, and Jay Z
couldn’t get a record label to sign him, and had to sell his CDs out of the
back of a car boot.
In her 2008
commencement speech at Harvard, author J.K. Rowling said: “Failure taught me
things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I
had a strong will, and more discipline than I suspected.”
Failure -
contrary to it feels - isn’t the end of the world. In fact, here are 11 reasons
why it’s essential.
1. It prompts you to re-evaluate what’s actually important to you.
One of the
biggest fears around failing tends to be around work. Am I doing well? Will I
get that promotion? Sometimes, it can feel like your world will end if it
doesn’t happen for you but it may not actually be the thing you want. Neel
Burton, who wrote The Art of Failure: The Anti Self-Help Guide, says that it
can actually be quite freeing.
“Society’s idea
of success and happiness is a trap,” he says. “It is not just that the bar is
set too high, but also that it is set in the wrong place, and that it is, in
fact, the wrong bar. Jump and you’ll only break your back. ‘Failure’ on the
other hand can free us from that rat race.”
2. It makes you unafraid to try
One of the
worst aspects of failure is that the fear around it is so great, you’d rather
not attempt anything in case it doesn’t work out. Siobhan Curham, author and
motivational speaker says: “I spent most of my younger life terrified of
failure. Fear of failure played a big part in me dropping out of uni two years
into my English degree. I was so scared that I didn’t have what it took to
become a writer (due to my working class background) and that I would fail, I
gave up even trying. Thankfully, I managed to overcome this fear but it took
several years working in soul destroying jobs to do so.”
3) It helps you let go of the past
Talking about
getting over a failed relationship, Megan McArdle who wrote The Up Side Of
Down: Bouncing Back In Business And Life said in a piece she wrote for Stylist:
“Failure forces us to acknowledge the truth, to let go of the lacklustre past.
And once we’ve done so – once we no longer have something, no matter how
inadequate, to lose – we’re free to take a flyer on something great.”
4) It makes you realise everything is temporary
Although it
feels destabilising at the time, failure jolts you out of your routine and
makes you think more immediately. Neel says: “Instead of living for the future,
we begin to live for the present.” You may feel terrible while it’s going on,
but eventually when you come out of it, it ends up being an incredible learning
curve that nothing lasts - not even feeling bad about failing.
5) You become more resilient
People who
experience failure and then overcome it, end up far more resilient and better
equipped at dealing with future situations. Siobhan says: “Failure can be a
blessing if you’re willing to seek the wisdom in the setback. You can choose to
let setbacks defeat and define you or you can choose to learn the lessons and
carry on stronger and wiser than before. I try and see so-called failures as
valuable steps on the way to success.”
6) It keeps your ego in check
We’ve all had a
moment when we misjudge our value or abilities, and sometimes, it can royally
backfire. But if you find yourself being dumped, take heart in what Neel calls
‘dissolution of the ego’. Failure is a great teacher in learning your own
personal limitations, and figuring out how to do better next time.
7) It teaches you that the path to success isn’t straight...and that’s a good thing
School teaches
you a very linear path to success. Pass this test and you’ll be rewarded with
good grades; that then leads to higher education, and so on. But in the real
world, success is not always so predictable or straightforward.
Siobhan says:
“I’ve learned that the world doesn’t end and actually, failure can often lead
to far greater things,” she says. “A great example of this is when I was
dropped by my first publisher due to poor sales of my fourth book. It felt like
the end of the world. But this ‘failure’ led to a massive breakthrough for me.
I wrote and self-published my first young adult novel Dear Dylan - giving away
the e-book for free.
“It was
liberating writing purely to try and help young people and no longer having to
fear failing in a publisher’s eyes. Dear Dylan went on to win a national book
award and then went to auction, with eight publishers bidding for it. I’ve
since had seven YA books traditionally published and achieved success beyond my
wildest dreams.”
8) You become better at taking risks
Not all risks
are sensible, admittedly, but the one thing that unifies super successful
people is the ability to take a risk. When talking to Forbes, executive coach
Dr Sam Collins said: “We must take a leap, take calculated risks, and be
patient for the results. We don’t need to have everything worked out
beforehand. I never wrote a business plan, but in order to reach the next level
in life, business, and my own personal growth, I had to take some risks. It
gets you out of your head and into your gut instinct pretty quickly and
successfully.”
9) Failing is actually a skill (no, really)
Learning how to
recover from failure is a skill. Life coach Pam Bauer says: “If you’re good at
falling down and getting back up, you’ll be confident going into new situations
because you know you’ll be OK no matter what happens.”
10) It prevents you from ruminating over things in the future
Dr. Joachim
Stoeber and Dr. Dirk Janssen from the University’s School of Psychology
published a paper called ‘Perfectionism and coping with daily failures’ and
found that staying positive through failure helped significantly in terms of
inner resilience. Keeping your sense of humour may seem challenging when things
are terrible, but if you can master this, Dr Stoeber says it helps enormously
in the future, in terms of not obsessing about things.
11) You actually learn more from it
You can learn
from success, and you can learn from failure - but the latter will teach you
far more, and is therefore more valuable. Vinit Desai, assistant professor of
management at the University of Colorado Denver Business School ran a study
looking at which was more helpful. He says: ““We found that the knowledge
gained from success was often fleeting while knowledge from failure stuck
around for years.”
By Poorna Bell, Commercial Writer
