What Everyone Is Getting Totally Wrong About Emotional Intelligence

EQ is not defined properly. If you go back to 1996, you can rediscover what it really means.

The more I read about EQ (or Emotional Intelligence) the more I wonder if people are defining it properly. For years, I've heard that EQ is about an ability to read people--to pick up on body language, to assess a situation and read feelings, to display a warmth and emotional connection that sets you apart from others, to smile more or shake hands more vigorously. It's almost always defined as an ability to pick up on non-verbal cues and "sense" when people are frustrated or happy or sad...and that's it.

The problem with this definition is that it's practically useless in a business context.

So you can read people and pick up on emotions. Fine. That gives you some advantage in conversation or maybe in the sales process, but really it is just another tool among many by that definition. It gives you some insight and a way to interpret body language and pick up on some mysterious non-verbal signals, but you can mostly just pat yourself on the back and say you can "read people" and that's it. It gives you some bragging rights.

The actual definition of EQ, which mostly originated from a book of the same name in 1996, is partly about managing emotions and picking up on emotions. Yet, the part that is often left out--the important part, if you are thinking about business advantages--is how to manage your own emotions and how to influence others accordingly. By the classic definition of EQ, President Trump has a terribly low EQ since he doesn't seem to care about what other people are feeling and doesn't seem to read the correct signals. He's practically immune to EQ. By the classic definition from 1996, however, he is off the charts. He has an incredible ability to influence others using EQ in a way that takes the popular, more common definition and crumples it into a wad of nothing.

You can see how this often plays out. You will often hear stories about someone who didn't read people and acted in anger, or maybe it's someone who didn't read people correctly and paid for it when a business decision ended up looking cold and impersonal. It's too bad, because that's only half of the definition. It's less common to hear stories about people who used EQ to influence others in a way that led to a more well-regarded product or service--a practical use for something that is often defined as all about feelings. Leaving the influence out of EQ makes it stagnant. It's really just a touchy-feely exercise that makes you feel good and nothing more.

Here's the question to ask yourself. Let's say you have always thought you can read people well. How has it helped? What does it really mean? I agree that picking up on non-verbal cues does help you understand others, but in business, if we're not talking about influence then there isn't that much to talk about. All marketing is influence. All sales is influence. In some ways, all business is influence.

When you start thinking about EQ as some magical sixth sense and that's it, the entire concept falls flat because it's value is diminished. EQ was always supposed to be about tracking and managing your own emotions and then influencing others so that you are not always just reacting--you read emotions then influence.

I've experienced this many times, both from the standpoint of not managing my reactions properly and paying the price (making people mad, breaking a healthy relationship) and by managing my emotions and then using more of a practical, seasoned, and predictable approach (and seeing that people agree with an idea or join a cause).

That second part of the definition is where the action takes place. It's where EQ can help you the most, not just by listening more intently or smiling more. It's the part where you can build up a business and start promoting a product in a way that gets attention.

If you've been forgetting the classic definition from 1996, the part about managing your emotions and influencing, try thinking about how you can make changes in your own job or your company that tap into that deeper meaning of the concept. If you think of a change to make that leads to more influence, share your thoughts with me directly by email.

By John Brandon

 

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SIX BODY LANGUAGE THAT ARE HARD TO MASTER BUT WILL PAY OFF FOR LIFE

Maintain good eye contact

As Ursula the sea witch famously said, “Don't underestimate the importance of body language.”

Some tricks, like remembering to smile, are pretty easy to implement in your everyday life.

However, there are other techniques that, while relatively commonsense, are somewhat trickier to tackle.

Still, they can make a huge difference.

Here are six body language hacks that can be tricky to master, but will definitely pay off forever once you do:

1. Mirror the person you're speaking to

Mirroring - or aligning your body to match the position of whoever you're speaking to - can be a tough skill to master. But doing it shows admiration and agreement, says Rosemary Haefner, chief human resources officer at CareerBuilder.

It can be hard to do this subtly, without looking like you're mimicking or mocking someone, but this is definitely a good trick to employ if you're really trying to make a good impression.

2. Walk with purpose and energy

Not everyone walks with confidence. Some of us shuffle through life with a slumping, awkward gait.

And it can be tough to change the way we walk. But if you take some steps to improve it, you can help to ensure that people don't make snap judgments about your confidence, attractiveness, and trustworthiness, according to Scientific American.

3. Maintain good eye contact

It's all in the eyes.

People with a shaky gaze often come across as anxious, distracted, or dishonest. And it can be tough to master the skill of maintaining eye contact, since it's a very uncomfortable and unnatural thing for some people. But it's a practice that can help you immensely in life.

Luckily, there are some simple techniques for maintaining better eye contact if you feel your stare isn't cutting it.

In How To Talk To Anyone, author and communication expert Leil Lowndes advises that you should “pretend your eyes are glued to your conversation partner's with sticky, warm taffy.”

Once you master this trick, you'll immediately see an improvement in your face-to-face communications with others.

4. Keep your hands visible

It's hard to know what to do with your hands sometimes, especially if you're a somewhat nervous person.

As a result, you might take to compulsively jamming them into your pockets or crossing your arms. Those are understandable moves, but they also project a somewhat negative image.

As Business Insider previously reported, it's important to keep your hands visible, lest you look like you're hiding something.

Invite people in and allow them to trust you by using more open body language. Avoid positions that make you appear defensive (even if that's how you're feeling).

5. Sit up straight

Your parents were right to constantly bark at you to adjust your terrible posture when you were a moody teen.

“If you lounge back in your chair, recruiters interpret it as a sign of your disinterest in the open position or that you're not taking the interview seriously, neither of which will help you land the job,” Amanda Augustine, a career advice expert for TopResume, previously told Business Insider. “In addition, slumping over in the chair can indicate a lack of confidence.”

Instead, she suggests sitting as if there was a string tied from the top of your head to the ceiling. Sitting up straight is seen as a sign of intelligence, confidence, and credibility, she explains.

Anyone with bad posture can tell you that correcting your slouch is not always easy. But it's definitely worth it in the long run.

6. Work on your handshake

No one wants to receive a “dead fish” handshake. Writing on LinkedIn, Ashish Arora notes that “a weak handshake equals a weak person” in most peoples' minds.

So how do you give a great handshake?

Arora breaks it down for us: “When squeezing your hand you want the grip to be tight enough to feel the bones of the other person’s hand lightly pressing into your skin and then keeping the same amount of pressure while you make two to three moderately strong shakes in the vertical plain. Maintain eye contact and a smile throughout.”

• AINE CAIN BUSINESS INSIDER
• Wednesday 29 November 2017 13:19 GMT
• CLICK HERE FOR ARTICLE

The Business of Body Language

“Often you would open your hands and show your palms, and that tends to be a trusting gesture. Studies show that when you use your hands naturally as you talk, people like you,” says Melinda Marcus, with whom I’m sharing an early supper.

“You also turn your hands down when you make a point, which creates authority. Watch Bill Gates or Bill Clinton. And, you lean in, which is good, because it shows you are engaged and interested. But one thing I would coach you on is that you tend to hunch over, which creates a feeling that you are not confident. It’s called a turtle when you bring your shoulders up and neck in, like you are trying to hide. Somebody who feels confident holds their head up, shoulders back,” she says.

Marcus sounds like my dad, always telling me to put my shoulders back. She’s right on the money. Body language is something we develop early in life, and if we want to get promoted or get into an elite graduate school, we might want to work on it. I just want a good interview.

Marcus calls herself a decision catalyst, an expert in the science of influence, combining persuasive psychology, body language, and strategic messaging in what she defines as the Marcus Method of Influence. “I show executives how to influence decisions before they lose big opportunities,” she says.

Hospitals hire Marcus to evaluate resident physicians, to weed out ones that interview well but won’t fit the culture. Corporations hire her to consult on how to “open doors and close deals,” attract new customers, and grow loyalty with current ones. She’s done a TED Talk, regularly conducts persuasive communications seminars for corporations and associations, and shows executives how to fast-track building trust in relationships, which leads to sales. She’s helped clients win $60 million dollar contracts and she estimates her consulting clients have grown their revenues by more than $279 million.

“Melinda has helped us grow exponentially,” says Dr. Jeffrey Whitman, president and chief surgeon of the Key-Whitman Eye Center. Whitman never considered TV commercials and marketing until Melinda came along. Now, Whitman is high-profile in Dallas, and a national expert on eye issues. Key-Whitman has grown from one office to six, now employs 150 people, and bills $40 million annually.

Glamour magazine once named Melinda Marcus one of the Ten Outstanding Young Working Women in America. Beginning in the late 1970s, she became a superstar in advertising, winning more than 100 awards, even producing a Super Bowl commercial for Hagar Slacks. She was the first female creative director for the national branding agency, The Richards Group. Eventually she formed her own company, Influence Advisors.

“One of the values of understanding how to read nonverbal signals is that when there is a disconnect between what is said and what is shown, you should always trust what is shown,” Marcus says.

People can fake a smile, but what they can’t fake is a micro-expression that betrays true feelings, she says. “If you see me smiling, but the muscles in the top half of my face are not engaged, it’s not real,” Marcus says. An unconscious micro-expression may last only an instant, but with training, you can see it. Marcus got her training from Joe Navarro, a former Special Agent who trained the FBI and became an international expert in body language.

“We all want to believe that decisions are made on logic,” she says. “But, every study shows that decisions are made on feelings, not facts. Judgments are made on whether I like you or not, whether I trust you, whether I believe you are an authority. Lasting first impressions are made in less than six seconds.”

“Sometimes it’s more about listening than talking,” says Lindsay Wilson, interior designer and executive managing principal at Corgan, the national architecture and design firm that renovated Love Field and designed the new Toyota headquarters and Parkland Hospital. “I’m fascinated by the science behind it, and I’m a skeptical designer. Melinda is one of the most highly rated speakers we’ve ever had. She knows how to put great ideas into action to grab attention and convert indecision into a win, which is an amazing skill.”

Marcus’ book, “Read The Room,” will be published in 2018

BY DON WALL PUBLISHED IN D CEO DECEMBER 2017

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What Is Emotional Intelligence and Why Does It Matter?

Most people agree that having a strong work ethic, dedication and skill makes a successful employee. However, a new study finds that high emotional intelligence also plays a key role in career success.

In an article published in the Journal of Vocational Behaviour, Joseph C. Rode, professor of management at Miami University of Ohio, and his co-authors found emotional intelligence is linked to bigger salaries and higher job satisfaction.

While high emotional intelligence alone won't make you successful, it will probably make you happier and more successful in your career. Business News Daily talked to Rode and other experts about what emotional intelligence is and how you can use it to advance your career.

What is emotional intelligence?

According to Liz Bentley, founder of Liz Bentley Associates, "emotional intelligence in its simplest form is our ability to get along with people." Bentley said people with high emotional intelligence have self-awareness and social awareness, and can manage themselves and others.

Similarly, Rode describes emotional intelligence as the ability to recognize and manage emotional information.

"It represents the intersection of emotions and general mental ability – sometimes referred to as IQ," he said. "It can also be thought of as the extent to which one actively thinks about emotion, or uses emotions as important information in a manner similar to other information such as facts and opinions."

Bentley added that people with high emotional intelligence typically drive good outcomes and results, align people with the mission, hold people accountable, coach their subordinates and colleagues when they're stuck, and create a collaborative and cohesive work environment.

Emotional intelligence and its associated people skills are important because people are an important part of any business.

 "People are our most valuable and critical commodity," Bentley told Business News Daily. "We are all in the people business – people are our bosses, subordinates, team members, colleagues, clients, vendors and consumers."

Emotions, said Rode, are important pieces of information that must be considered in decision-making – even if that means learning to tune them out.

"While emotional intelligence includes the ability to use emotions to increase motivation and focus, it also includes the ability to detach from very powerful short-term emotions when needed to better focus on the tasks at hand," he said.

Using emotional intelligence to get ahead

Rode's study found that people with high emotional intelligence typically have higher salaries than people who don't. To measure emotional intelligence, Rode and his co-authors required participants to solve multiple emotional problems that had right and wrong answers like an IQ test. For example, participants had to identify emotions in faces or artwork, and identify the best response to different scenarios. Higher emotional intelligence has shown to be related to several measures of leadership effectiveness.

"Following this research, we argued that emotional intelligence should be more relevant to success – and salary – at higher organizational levels, where leadership becomes a relatively more important part of one's job," said Rode.

But what is the connection between high emotional intelligence and high salary? Brad Flowers, partner of boutique branding agency Bullhorn Creative, says this important quality helps you to read the situation and time your request just right.

"The most difficult part of getting a bigger salary is asking for it," Flowers said. "Emotional intelligence – combined with a smart case – equips you with the tools to recognize the perfect moment to ask, how to ask appropriate for your audience, and how to deal with any answer you receive."

Jennifer Hancock, founder of Humanist Learning Systems, said people with emotional intelligence also typically have high salaries because they tend to be more productive.

"People who are good at working with other people and getting other people to work with them tend to get more work done," she told Business News Daily. "They have good reputations since people like working with them."

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Saige Driver

Saige Driver graduated from Ball State University in 2015 with a degree in journalism. She started her career at a radio station in Indiana, and is currently a B2B staff writer at Business News Daily. She loves reading and her beagle mix, Millie. Reach her by email, or follow her on Twitter.

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